Book Review: Daring Greatly

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brene Brown

About vulnerability and how important vulnerability is in our lives.  Culture tends to teach us that being vulnerable is bad--failure is bad--we shouldn't let our faults be known.  But when we approach relationships (of any kind) with vulnerability we are more likely to be effective in our world.  She discusses the idea of "scarcity" and the culture of "never enough" and therefore the shame that develops in each of us for not being enough.  And then discusses ways to combat different kinds of shame and the vulnerability "shields" that go along with them.  I will definitely want to re-read this one day to get more practical and timely advice about the parenting part

Highlighted Quotes

"A Man in his early sixties told me 'I used to think the best way to go through life was to expect the worst.  That way, if it happened, you were prepared, and if it didn't happen, you were pleasantly surprised.  Then I was in a car accident and my wife was killed.  Needless to say, expecting the worst didn't prepare me at all.  And worse, I still grieve for all of those wonderful moments we shared and that I didn't fully enjoy.  My commitment to her is to fully enjoy every moment now.  I just wish she was here, now that I know how to do that.'"

"Joy comes to us in moments--ordinary moments.  We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary."

"'Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good' (Voltaire)"

"'Let your face speak what's in your heart.  When they walk in the room my face says I'm glad to see them.  It's just as small as that, you see?'  I literally think about that advice every day--it's become a practice.  When Ellen comes bonding down the stairs dressed for school, I don't want my first comment to be 'pull you hair back' or 'those shoes don't match your dress.' I want my face to convey how happy I am to see her--to be with her.  When  Charlie comes in the back door and he's sweaty and dirty from catching lizards, I want to flash a smile before I say, 'Don't touch anything until you wash your hands.'  So often we think that we earn parenting pointing by being critical, put out, and exasperated.  Those first looks can be prerequisities or worthiness-builders.  I don't want to criticize when my kids walk in the room, I want to light up."

"Don't get me wrong--I still struggle and I still step in when I shouldn't, but now I think twice before I let my discomfort dictate my behaviors.  Here's why: Hope is a function of struggle.  If we want our children to develop high levels of hopefulness, we have to let them struggle.  And let me tell you, next to love and belonging, I'm not sure I want anything more for my kids than a deep sense of hopefulness."